Name culture
I've never quite liked my birth name. It sounds kinda, "bleh." It's been nothing more than a minor bother my whole life, only really coming up when I hear my name. So, a couple months ago I started trying to think of name ideas. Eventually, in a hit of inspiration (shortly after seeing it somewhere, no not 2001: A Space Odyssey, but I should watch that anyway), I came up with Hal, and recently I've started to use it.
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Some time before that, I saw someone else on Gemini -- I'm sorry, I don't remember who or where, but it is important to note they exclusively used a chosen username -- post that there should be a culture of chosen names. That is, that you should be allowed, even encouraged, to pick your own name and use it, out in the real world. I wrote an email in response, agreeing with him. Never heard back. Okay, that's not the first time, nor will it be the last. Anyway.
Today, changing names is heavily, heavily associated with either marriage or being transgender. The few exceptions are stage names, which aren't considered name changes even though they kinda are, and changing your last name to dissociate with or disown somebody, which is usually just a last-name change.
In light of that, someone (again, I don't remember who; probably several somebodies) on the Fediverse posted encouragements for people like me, who for whatever reason want to change their names. One of the things they said was even specifically that you don't have to be trans to not like your name, or to change it to better suit you. This was particularly resonant with me and it's helping me through my (albeit tiny and slow) name change process.
Hi, I'm Hal
Right now, I'm using my new name in a few limited places: my private Fedi profile, my Bluesky account, and now here. I've also been recently using it when thinking of myself, while coming up with an example (also to myself), and writing my name in some wet tar I found where they recently paved nearby.
I'm not completely sure how I want to go about using it in different places. I could probably get away with changing it at work, I'd have to get a new nametag, a few coworkers might ask about it and I'm not quite prepared to answer for it. The very last place I'll change my name, if I do it at all, is with my family -- hell, this might even come after a costly legal name change.
Oh, I've also started to use it in VR -- today I joined Sidequest's Banter with a name including Hal, and I might change my VRChat name to that same username. I think it suits me a lot better than the odd sounding one I had changed to before (and also another online name I really, really want to dissociate with).
I have yet to introduce myself as Hal to anyone -- in part because I haven't gotten the chance to introduce myself to anyone since deciding on this name (or, really, for a few years before that). Even then I have to decide, am I willing (or able) to explain the discrepancy if this person meets someone who knows me by my old name? Maybe I'd want to tell them about my old name in advance, so they're not surprised when they hear it?
God, it's so weird thinking about the name I've used my whole life as "my old name."
And maybe, as much as I dislike it, maybe that ugly ass sounding name fits me quite well.
Shit no shut up.
Anyway, I was thinking about starting to use it if I ever got to move to Germany (which is unfortunately a crushed dream, but it drags on me nonetheless). That way, nobody really knows my old name, except for the people who have to check my passport and ID and stuff. But unfortunately, it don't matter because I'm too poor to leave the United States.
And God do I want to escape this hostile death trap. I can tell you all about how I feel about the US, and why it's Germany I want to go to rather than anywhere else, but that's out of scope for this blog. You can email me or ask me about it on Bluesky or the Fediverse, if you really want to hear about it.
Usernames
Enough about me! We already have a culture of choosing your own name, and the age you pick this name is usually pretty early on, long before you turn 18. It's usernames, and usually people don't change them. Hell, most people usually base their usernames on their given names and year of birth (or a random set of numbers). Adults who need a new username often pick their name combined with the birth year (or birth-date) of one of their kids.
It's usually dead-simple to change your username, but if that's limited, your display name usually isn't. After a while, people get used to one of these names and start using it for you automatically (whichever changes the least).
If it weren't for transphobia, this is how our real world would work, too. That's how stage names usually work, as long as you don't keep changing it. Most people call Abel Tesfaye "The Weeknd" and James Donald Bowman "J.D. Vance" (oops, he actually did make a legal name change to become James David Vance). Why's it any different if I want to be called Hal, or if a trans woman wants to be called Suzy?
Maybe it's worth hoping that when we manage to minimize or eliminate this pointless hate, name changes will be a lot easier for everyone, from people who cannot stand being called such a name, to people who just don't vibe with it anymore, to people whose parents hated them enough to give them a "creative" name, or a name with too many "gh"s.
Pronouns
Ah, the transphobe's worst enemy: I, you, he, she, it, we, y'all (or yinz, or yous), and they. Because the American education system is such a failure that these people don't know what a fucking pronoun is.
I expect pronoun changes will be accepted the same way, without transphobia.
However, it might take longer for neopronouns, a class of third-person pronoun for people who don't vibe with he, she, they, or even it. Examples of this class include xe/xir (and variants), fae/faer, and ey/em. There are also a few "exotic" examples that a few people apparently use seriously. It's mostly those that'll hold the whole class back, as there are people who are okay with pronouns that are like the ones they're used to, but not the ones that aren't. Eventually, toleration shall prevail.
Closing thoughts
I'm not sure what all I want or need to do for this name change. I'm still not 100% about it, and I'm trying it out, and I'm not completely sure I _like_ it but I don't _dislike_ it, which has got to be an improvement. Maybe I'm just not used to it yet.
Also I haven't actually asked my best friend to call me Hal yet, but he does know I'm thinking about it (and he knows the name too, I told him when I came up with it).
And damn this is weird, but it's... it's weird in a good way, I think. Yeah.
Other people should get to do this, too. Some of them need it more than I do (cough cough Dhanjyel and all the other Tragedeighs out there). Maybe we even have some kind of naming ceremony for your 18th, where you can (but don't have to!) pick a new name.
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